Psychology of giving gift
Psychology of giving gift
Gift giving has long been a
favorite subject for studies on human behavior, with psychologists, anthropologists, economists and
marketers all weighing in. They have found that giving gifts is a surprisingly
complex and important part of human interaction, helping to define
relationships and strengthen bonds with family and friends. Indeed,
psychologists say it is often the giver, rather than the recipient, who reaps
the biggest psychological gains from a gift. Frustrated by crowds, traffic and
commercialism, people can be tempted at this time of year to opt out of gift
giving altogether. A 2005 survey showed that four out of five Americans think
the holidays are too materialistic, according to the Center for a New American
Dream, which promotes responsible consumption.
But while it’s reasonable to cut
back on spending during the holidays, psychologists say that banning the gift
exchange with loved ones is not the best solution. People who refuse to accept
or exchange gifts during the holidays, these experts say, may be missing out on
an important connection with family and friends.
“That doesn’t do a service to the relationship,”
said Ellen J. Langer, a Harvard psychology professor. “If I don’t let you
give me a gift, then I’m not encouraging you to think about me and think about
things I like. I am preventing you from experiencing the joy of engaging in all
those activities. You do people a disservice by not giving them the gift of
giving.”
The social value of giving has
been recognized throughout human history. For thousands of years, some native
cultures have engaged in the potlatch, a complex ceremony that celebrates
extreme giving. Although cultural interpretations vary, often the status of a
given family in a clan or village was dictated not by who had the most
possessions, but instead by who gave away the most. The more lavish and
bankrupting the potlatch, the more prestige gained by the host family.
Gender differences in gift giving
seem to emerge early in life. Researchers at Loyola University Chicago studied
3- and 4-year-olds at a day-care center, all of whom had attended the same
birthday party. The girls typically went shopping with their mothers and helped
select and wrap the gift. Boys, meanwhile, were often unaware of what the gift
was. “They’d say, ‘I took a nap while my mom went shopping for it,’” said Mary
Ann McGrath, the associate dean of the graduate school of business at Loyola.
Gift giving is often the most
obvious way a partner can show interest, strengthen a bond or even signal that
a relationship should end. One colleague of Dr. Rucker’s noted that she knew
her marriage was over when her husband handed her a gift in a brown grocery
bag.
People who stop giving gifts lose
out on important social cues, researchers say. “Who is on your gift list is
telling you who is important in your life,” Dr. McGrath said. “It says who is
more important and who is less important.”
But the biggest effect of gift
giving may be on ourselves. Giving to others reinforces our feelings for them
and makes us feel effective and caring, Dr. Langer said.
For a glimpse into the psychology
of giving, researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University recently studied
gift giving by pet owners, finding that it stemmed from a desire to make pets
happy and offer gifts that would improve a pet’s comfort and care. The
research, to be published next year, may seem frivolous, but it also gives
insight into the self-serving nature of giving, since pets can’t reciprocate,
the researchers note.
“When you’re giving to another
person, you have this pressure of reciprocity, but it’s not there with a pet,”
said Tracy Ryan, an associate professor of advertising research at Virginia
Commonwealth. “It shows that a lot of the pleasure is in the giving, knowing
you’ve taken care of someone.”
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