7 Ways to Tell Folks You Won’t Be Buying Them Christmas Gifts This Year or That You’re Cutting Back on the Number of Gifts You’re Buying
7 Ways to Tell Folks You Won’t Be Buying Them Christmas Gifts This Year
or That You’re Cutting Back on the Number of Gifts You’re Buying
1. Set Their Expectations as Early as Possible
Thanksgiving dinner, when everyone is gathered
around the table, might seem like a great time to discuss your gift-purchasing
plans, but that’s actually a little late.
Why? Because, as we already mentioned, unlike in
past generations, Christmas season now starts long before Thanksgiving Day.
Once it begins, people tend to think more emotionally than economically.
Your relatives might already know what they plan to
buy you, so they’re less likely to be receptive to your ideas.
Sure, you can draw names on Thanksgiving Day, but
decide now with your family what the game plan and spending limit will be. This
is best done through phone calls or emails because a text message, or worse yet
a group text, doesn’t give you the bandwidth you need to share your reason(s)
for changing your tradition of giving with the other person(s) with the
littlest room for misunderstanding on their part.
2. Mention the Benefits for Everyone Involved
of Buying Fewer (or No) Christmas Gifts this Year
When you broach the subject, if you talk about how
you don’t have money to buy everyone a gift, the focus is on what this is doing
for you, but not for them. Plus, if they have less money than you (or they
think they do), but they still plan to buy as much this year as last, they may
well think of you as Scrooge. And of course that’s not who you are at all.
What’s the solution? Mention how, with the economy
being uncertain, you know everyone has been thinking about ways to save money.
Let them know that being economical this year is the best gift everyone in the
family can give each other.
Or, if your reason doesn’t have anything to do with
finances, share with them what’s on your heart that promoted your decision.
When people you know and love know your heart, they should be much more open to
the change in tradition.
Be sure to let them know this has nothing to do
with how you feel about them. It’s just that you would like this holiday season
to be focused on the intangible but luxurious gift of relaxing with them and
making memories with them instead of on exchanging tangible presents.
Start making your holiday plans with them when you
have this conversation.
If they’re not open to the changes, well, at least
you know you shared from your heart. There is nothing more you need to do, or
that you can do.
3. Gather Your Supporters First — Other People in
the Family Who Will Be Open to Not Exchanging Gifts This Year
Who in your family will be most receptive to the
idea, and who will be the least? Contact the most receptive members first.
Then, when you discuss it with the less receptive members, mention the others
who are already on board!
“Aunt Janet, I was talking to Mom, Grandma, and
Jackie, and we’re thinking it would be a nice change to just focus on buying
gifts for the kids and teens.” Then go on to share what you discussed with the
others and everyone’s reasons for the change.
4. Keep Your Word After You’ve Agreed Not to Give
Someone a Christmas Gift
No falling off the gift-giving wagon once you’ve
agreed not to give gifts!
I received an email from a woman who just couldn’t
understand why her sister-in-law didn’t accept her gift graciously. They
had agreed not to exchange Christmas gifts, but the woman who
wrote me was much better off financially than her newlywed younger brother and
his wife.
The young couple were about to move into their
first home. Knowing they needed lots of things for the house, she gave them a
$500 gift card. She wrote to me, “Christmas is all about giving. It gave me joy
to share with them.”
Do you recognize the problem with her reasoning?
The gift the young couple wanted most of all was “no gift.” She let her desire
to “give” override the promise she had made. The good feeling she got from
giving was her real motivation.
If her motivation had been to make them happy, she
wouldn’t have broken her agreement and given them the gift – at least not
at that time.
Grace Note: If
you find something great for a relative, friend, or coworker, go ahead and buy
it. Then wait and give it at a time when a gift in return isn’t expected! Save
it for a birthday or anniversary, or make it an I’m-thinking-about-you-today
gift that you give in a few months.
By doing this, you save the person the awkwardness
of not having a gift to give you in return.
5. What to Do When You Unexpectedly Receive a
Christmas Gift from Someone Who Agreed Not to Give You a Present
When someone surprises you with a gift, even though
the two of you had agreed not to exchange them, accept it graciously. As you
hold the gift, nicely say, “I’m surprised by your present. We had agreed not to
exchange gifts, so I don’t have one for you in return.” Then you can open the
gift and thank the other person. “This sweater is gorgeous, Pat! Thank you!”
(It’s sometimes hard knowing the best thing to say while opening a gift. Here
are Five Things to Say When Opening Christmas Gifts, and the Number 1
Don’t.)
Now you’re free to drop the subject.
Make sure not to buy the person a gift in return.
Your word is your word; be true to it.
Perhaps next year, or the year after, when you
continue to keep your word, the other person will get the hint.
6. How to Let Friends and Coworkers Know You’d
Rather Not Exchange Christmas Gifts This Year
Agree now that this year, instead of exchanging
gifts, you would like to spend time with the person. Plan a special weekend
lunch, movie night, or a trip to a local holiday event where everyone pays
their own tab. This way, you’ve made holiday memories! They’ll be enjoyed much
longer than anything found in a store.
If your office usually exchanges Secret Santa gifts
or participates in any gift-exchanging games, you could suggest that you change
things up this year, and instead, everyone pitch in to give gifts to one needy
child or family. Toys for Tots, The Salvation Army,
and Angel Tree are three great places to start
if you aren’t sure whom to connect with in your area.
7. How to Get Other Parents to Agree Not to
Exchange Christmas Gifts Among Your Children’s Friends
Use the same method as number 5 above: plan a
holiday-themed play-date of making cookies, building simple gingerbread houses,
or crafting a gift for a family member. Or have everyone pay their own way to
see a movie or enjoy a local holiday event. (When talking with other
parents, here are The Five Manners of Great Christmas Party Conversations.)
When Giving Gifts, What Counts and What Doesn’t
Count as a Christmas Gift?
Remember, if you’ve agreed not to give gifts, then
everything counts, including: Christmas ornaments and decorations, potted
plants and flowers, small items, handmade crafts, etc.
What can you give? Home-baked
treats are a great option. As you give the goodies, you can say: “I was in the
kitchen making these and thought of you. Consider it a home-baked Christmas
card!” In this case, you can attach a Christmas card to the baked goods or
place a card in the mail, but only if you typically send cards.
What’s Next?
Until next time, do what only you can do. Bless the
world around you by being you at your authentic best!
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