Etiquette Guidelines for Gift-Giving
Etiquette Guidelines for Gift-Giving
Introduction
Giving and
receiving gifts is one of the most pleasurable pursuits connected with any
special occasion. We all have fond memories of Christmases, birthdays, or other
celebrations when we have exchanged gifts. We have loved that special feeling
when we received something truly special, or someone we cared about obviously
loved a present we gave them. There are also those moments, however, when a
gift fell flat or we gave or received something totally inappropriate. The
etiquette rules in this article will help you avoid gift-giving mistakes and
choose presents that everyone will appreciate.
Office
Gifts
Some offices forbid
any gift exchanges at all in order to avoid potential problems. If this is your
company's policy, you ignore it at your peril. In general, this means that your
boss can give you a small token of his appreciation, but peers cannot have a
gift exchange and you are not supposed to give a gift to your boss. However, if
gifts are part of the office culture, keep these tips in mind:
· Find out the specifics for a gift exchange. When
does it take place? Who is involved? Is there a dollar limit? If so, stick to
it.
· Do not get a gag gift. These usually fall flat and
are inappropriate for the office.
· Take the time to wrap the gift well and attach a
neat, well-written tag securely to the package. Even something as seemingly
insignificant as how well you wrapped the package reflects your attention to
detail in the workplace.
· For a gift exchange, if you are not familiar with
the person's interests or hobbies, a gift card is fine; but do take the time to
get one you know the person will use. If she or he comes to work every day with
a Starbucks coffee in hand, a gift card from Starbucks would be appreciated. If
your co-worker is an avid reader, a gift card from a local bookstore would be
appropriate.
· Do not get anything too personal. Perfume, cologne,
or clothing are inappropriate gifts for your co-workers.
· Do not accept inappropriate gifts from anyone you
work with or from your boss. If it is too personal or makes you uncomfortable,
be sure to say, "I appreciate the thought, but I'm sorry, I just can't
accept this." If the person pressures you, simply say that you feel the
gift is inappropriate and it would be against company policy.
· If giving a gift to the boss is an accepted part of
the office culture, you may select a gift that is related to the office. Do not
choose something personal unless it is a gift of food or wine. Gourmet food
baskets, something for his or her desk, a photo frame, a leather portfolio, or
a nice plant are all good gifts for your boss.
Weddings
and Showers
The biggest events
of a person's lifetime tend to cause the most stress for participants and
guests. Keep in mind that you are there to share in the joy of the day, and the
cost of the gift is less important than the thought you have put into it. Some
general rules to keep in mind:
· If you attend both a wedding shower and the
wedding, you need to get two separate gifts. However, the shower gift does not
need to be as costly as the wedding gift.
· Do not worry about what others are spending. Get
what you feel the couple will appreciate that fits within your budget.
· Be sure to check the couple's wedding registry to
see if you can find something you can afford that they truly want or need. If
you prefer to buy something that is not on the registry, only do so if it is
something unique, regional, or personal that you know will suit them.
· When writing a check to the bride and groom, it is
best to make it out to the groom and send it before the wedding, with a note of
congratulations to both the bride and groom. This way it can be deposited
before they leave on their honeymoon, making the funds available while they
travel. Often, if it is made out to both of them under their married names,
they cannot immediately deposit it because her name has not been changed yet on
her account.
· Enclose the gift receipt with your gift. It is a
thoughtful gesture in the event they get a duplicate gift or the present simply
is not the right color or design.
Other Gift Purchases
· When shopping for a gift, keep the recipient in
mind. Buy a gift that he or she would like, not what you think the person should
have.
· Do not buy gifts that are geared toward
self-improvement, such as weight-loss videos, exercise programs, or books on
how to improve your public speaking skills. It is never a gift to be reminded
of your short-comings.
· Personal gifts such as lingerie should only be
given to a woman by her husband, long-term boyfriend, or fiancé.
· Personal gifts such as silk boxers should only be
given to a man by his wife, long-term girlfriend, or fiancée.
· When shopping for children, it is best to check
with their parents before purchasing anything that is noisy, requires assembly
or has lots of small, moving parts. Respect the wishes of the parents if they
say a particular gift idea is not to their liking.
· If someone gives you a holiday gift, but you did
not get one for them and were not planning to, simply thank them for the
present. It is far better to accept the person's gift graciously, in the spirit
in which it was given, than to scramble at the last minute to try to match it
out of a sense of obligation. Remember, the person gave you gift because he or
she wanted to treat you, not because the person expected something in return.
· Think in terms of time as well as monetary value.
Giving the gift of babysitting a few nights to a busy couple with young
children may be far more appreciated than another item for their home. Throw in
a few movie passes or a gift certificate for a nice restaurant and the pair
will be genuinely thrilled at your thoughtfulness.
· Do not spend so much on someone's gift that you
embarrass the person. Although there is no competition on the value of gifts,
if your friend is struggling financially and you spend hundreds of dollars on
an extravagant gift for him or her, you could make your friend feel
uncomfortable rather than appreciative.
The most difficult
thing for some of us is being on the receiving end of gifts. For some reason,
we stumble around when others give us presents and do not know how to be
gracious recipients. It is simple, really:
· Say "thank you" with sincerity in your
voice. Even if you do not like the gift, you are thanking the person for
putting forth the thought and effort to give you a gift and for caring for you
enough to want to do so.
· Remark on one specific thing about the gift that
you like. If the sweater is the wrong size and color, you could say something
like, "Thank you, Aunt Margaret. This is so soft! I just love angora. I'm
sure it will be warm this winter!"
· If someone has given you a gift card or money, let
the person know how you plan to use it. "This will come in really handy
for my school books this semester, Dad. Thanks, I really appreciate it!"
The joy of giving should be in making
others happy, not in "keeping score" or trying to best someone else.
If we keep in mind that we are supposed to be giving gifts because we want to,
not because we are obligated to, the recipients will receive them in the same
spirit.
Appropriate Behavior for Children
Introduction
All parents believe
their child is wonderful and endlessly fascinating. In truth, all children are amazing
and lovable if they are well-behaved, but in today's society, many children
have been raised with little structure and even fewer rules of conduct. They
have no manners or sense of respect for other people's boundaries, feelings, or
property. These same children will be shocked to discover as adults that others
are not willing to tolerate their sense of entitlement. As parents, we need to
teach our children manners at a young age and understand that certain behaviors
in our children do not need to be tolerated by other adults.
How Children Should Interact with
Adults
Children should
always show respect to adults. Talking back or showing off a smart mouth is
never cute or funny. If you find it amusing when they are 2 years old and laugh
about it, you will regret it as they grow older because your children will not
understand why you are changing your tune and disciplining them for disrespect
when they are 5 or 6. Be consistent.
There are so many
situations when children and adults interact, from family get-togethers to
being in a restaurant, that children need to understand early what is
acceptable behavior. Here are some key etiquette rules children should begin
learning from the time they are young:
· Say "please" and "thank you"
whenever an adult gets them anything, whether it is a glass of water or a toy
off of a shelf.
· Address an adult by his or her proper name. The
child should use the adult's title and last name, such as "Mr.
Morgan" or "Mrs. Greir," unless asked by the adult to use a
first name.
· Never interrupt an adult conversation. This is one
that seems to be falling by the wayside. So many children today tug at their
mothers constantly, chirping, "Mom! Mom!" while their mothers are
trying to carry on a conversation. Let your child know that this is rude and
will not be tolerated. Children need to respect your conversation with other
adults and wait their turn. To let children know you are aware they are there,
put an arm around them or put a hand on their shoulder, but ask them to wait
until you are finished with your conversation. When you talk to them, give them
your full attention.
· Children should be respectful when visiting other
people's homes, including wiping their feet or, if it is the custom in that
house, taking off their shoes before entering.
· Chew food with mouths closed. This includes gum.
Kids chomping on gum with their mouths open are rude and unattractive but very
common these days.
· Encourage your children to always allow an adult to
go before them in line and to always open the door for any adult, particularly
one who is carrying something or who is disabled or pregnant. Children who rush
through a door in front of an adult are perceived as self-absorbed and
impolite.
· When visiting someone else's house, children should
never disrupt the home by picking up or disturbing breakable objects or
exploring rooms they are not invited into. It is not their home and curiosity
is not an excuse; children need to understand boundaries and respect for other
people's privacy.
General Behavior
Respecting the
rights of others in the home will carry over to how children treat people
outside the home. If you demand respect from your children and demand that they
show respect to their siblings, it will carry over into the way they treat
others in their day-to-day interactions.
· Responsibility for their mistakes is essential for
children. If an older child damages something that belongs to someone else,
that child must apologize and offer to compensate that person for the damage
done. If the child is old enough, he or she should work to earn the money to
pay for the item.
· Teach your children to be punctual. Chronic
lateness is a sign of disrespect for the other person's time.
· Cleaning up after themselves is a lesson that must
be taught from a young age or it does not stick. Many parents of teens complain
that their kids are slobs but admit that they never expected these same
children to make their beds or pick up their clothes when they were 8 or 10
years old. Manners and respect must be taught early on.
· Teach your children to always knock and get
permission to enter before going into a room with a closed door. This includes
their siblings' rooms. They must also ask and get permission to use personal
items belonging to their siblings. For example, if your daughter wants to
borrow her sister's new sweater, she has to ask.
· Children should understand that they should never
discuss family matters outside the home or discuss a family problem with others
in order to discourage gossip.
· Children should always clean up after themselves
after making a snack or using the bathroom.
· Sharing is the rule of any house, including the
phone, television, and video games.
· Teach your children the rules of fair play and
sportsmanship early on, including being a good loser and a charming winner.
They should not gloat when they win and should always tell the other team or
their opponent that they played a good game. If children lose, they should
congratulate the winner or winners graciously.
· When children are in a group situation, at the
playground, at a party, etc., your child should include other children rather
than excluding them.
Your Responsibilities as a Parent
In addition to
teaching your children proper etiquette, you have the responsibility to control
their behavior to some extent, particularly during their younger years.
Toddlers cannot be expected to understand all the rules of good behavior or
exhibit self-control all the time. As a good parent, however, you can keep an
eye on your children in public and control their behavior or remove them from
the situation.
· When dining in a restaurant, do not let your child
run wild. You may enjoy being able to relax and talk with friends, but other
diners do not want to be subjected to your children's antics. They have paid
for a relaxing evening out as well, and that did not include screaming toddlers
careening around the restaurant. Your children should be either seated at your
table or supervised by you at all times.
· If your children have a meltdown in a public place
such as a restaurant, the mall, or a movie theater, remove them. A child
throwing a temper tantrum disrupts the enjoyment for everyone around you. Step
outside and calm your child, then return. If you cannot calm your child, go
home and try another day.
· When visiting someone else's home, keep your
children under control and supervise them. Do not allow them to touch
breakables or climb on the bookshelves, etc. Ask the host or hostess which
rooms are off limits and be sure your children understand the rules.
· Never, ever let your children touch someone's pet
without permission from the owner. It can be dangerous if an animal is not used
to children and may be upsetting to the animal. Also make it clear that
taunting or teasing the animal is unacceptable.
· Be sure that children show their excitement in
appropriate ways. Laughter and enthusiasm are wonderful; shouting and running
about in public places usually are not.
The best way to instill good manners
in your children is to lead by example. Your own conduct in public and private
will teach your children good manners instinctively, giving them the etiquette
tools that will help them as they go out into the world as adults.
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