How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift? -11 Etiquette Tips
How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?
-11 Etiquette Tips
Wondering
how much to spend on a wedding gift? It's a fair question — as wedding invites
start to pile up, dollar signs might also start to flash. The idea of having to
spring for flights, hotels, bridesmaid dresses, and then — on top of everything
— a wedding present for each occasion can become a serious source of stress for
wedding guests. Complicating matters more is the seeming lack of concrete
wedding gift etiquette. Questions, like how much to give for a wedding gift,
start to come up. When do you buy the gift? Can you buy gifts outside the
registry? Is giving cash gauche? Here, answers to these questions and more,
with expert insights from Kylie Carlson, the CEO of the International
Academy of Wedding & Event Planning.
1.
How much should I spend on a wedding gift?
According to a recent study from the American
Express Spending and Saving Tracker, the average amount that a guest was
projected to spend on a wedding
gift was $99—but that's if you're a friend of the couple.
Family members are projected to spend at least $127.
Even if you aren’t close to
the couple, however, it’s not very considerate to spend less than $50 on a
gift. If you're a coworker or a distant friend, the minimum wedding gift amount
you can get away with is $50 to $75. If everything left on the registry is over
your budget of $50 to $75, it’s a good idea to get the couple a gift card to
one of the stores where they registered.
2.
Is it OK to give a group wedding gift?
If the only items left on the
registry are well over your budget or you really want to gift the couple a
big-ticket item you know they’ll love, join forces with a group of friends. And
for bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already spent quite a bit of money on
the bridesmaid dress, bachelor party, and shower, this is a particularly wise
way to gift—the couple will receive a thoughtful big-ticket present from the
wedding party, and each person can usually get away with spending a bit less
individually.
3.
Should I give a wedding gift that matches the price per head?
"The formality of the
wedding impacts a number of elements, including time of day and dress, but
there is no tie into the cost of the gift. What you gift the couple should be
exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your
own means. No guest should feel as though they need to overextend themselves
with the gift because they are expected to wear black tie," says Carlson.
Similarly, just because your
BFF had a 10-person wedding in their backyard doesn’t mean you should give them
an inexpensive gift. Also, if you happen to be attending multiple events for
the couple, consider this as well: you can use the 60-20-20 rule, which means
spending 20 percent of your total budget on an engagement party gift, 20
percent on a gift for the bridal shower, and 60 percent for the actual wedding
gift.
4.
Is it OK to give cash as a wedding gift?
There’s nothing wrong with
gifting cash. According to the aforementioned American Express study, one third
of respondents prefer to give cash as a wedding gift. In fact, as most
millennials are getting married later in life and already have well-stocked
homes, they prefer cash to put toward savings over registry items.
If
you are giving cash (or a check), send it ahead of time rather than bringing it
to the wedding—it’s too easy for things to get misplaced in the chaos of the
day. Some couples may even register for cash to go directly into their bank
accounts through sites like Tendr, which allows guests to give money
virtually, along with a sentimental note they can personally write on a digital
card.
5.
Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?
"While there are no hard
and fast rules, there is a general understanding that their presence at the
wedding can absolutely be their gift. You have to remember that your guests are
presumably taking time off from work and arranging childcare, so they’ve
already invested quite a bit. With that being said, if an attendee chooses to
gift them in addition to being there, then that’s absolutely fine," says
Carlson.
If you do want to get them
a wedding gift but you're strapped for cash right after spending on the flights
and hotels, you can always wait until later (up to a year) to get them a
wedding gift. Whatever the timing, they’ll always appreciate it.
6.
Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?
"Emily Post has always
attested to the fact that you should always send a gift if invited unless
you’ve truly been out of touch for a considerable length of time," says
Carlson. "I’d like to think, however, that there is absolutely an
understanding that if you decline the invitation and are not in a financial
position to send a gift, then you don’t, and that’s OK. Instead, send your warm
wishes with a handwritten note."
If you’re a close friend of
the couple, it’s probably best to send a wedding gift. If, on the other hand,
your distant cousin invited 300 people to her wedding and you feel like you
were invite number 299, a sweet note of congratulations on the RSVP card is
sufficient. If you do decide to send a gift, feel free to spend less than you
might spend if you were attending—that $30 wine opener is still a lovely token
of congratulations that the couple will surely appreciate.
7.
Should my wedding gift amount increase if I have a plus one?
There's no rule in the
wedding gift etiquette handbook that would suggest your wedding gift amount go
up if you bring a date. "While it may make sense to spend a bit more
because you are bringing two mouths to feed, there is no expectation that you
need to do so," says Carlson.
8.
How long do I have after the wedding to get the couple a wedding gift?
Traditionally, you have up to
one year to get the couple a wedding gift. That being said, etiquette experts
agree that the sooner you can give the gift the better. Everyone wants to
unwrap their wedding gifts when they're still radiating with that newlywed
glow.
9.
How do I address a check to the couple?
If you plan on giving a check
to the happy couple, make sure you avoid writing their new surname in the
"to" field. It may seem counterintuitive after having just watched
them tie the knot, but when it comes to cashing checks after the big day, the
bank will sometimes not accept checks that don't have the registered account
name. To be safe, it's best to write the check out to one person and write a
happy note in the memo field.
10.
Should I ship a gift directly or bring it to the wedding?
"The preferred method
for gifting is to send it to the couple’s home, versus bringing with you on the
wedding day. There are just so many things to keep track of the day of the
event, that it’s appreciated if you can make it a bit easier on the newlyweds.
Luckily, it’s practically a given that you’ll be able to ship your gift with
relative ease thanks to registries," says Carlson.
Bringing a physical gift to
the wedding is typically reserved when someone goes off the registry to
purchase a wedding gift. When in doubt, follow the instructions on the registry
website and avoid the headache of wrapping the present yourself!
11.
Is it OK to buy gifts that aren't on the wedding registry?
Gifting items that aren't
included on the registry isn't a violation of wedding gift etiquette. If,
however, you choose an off-registry item, make sure it's something you know the couple
will absolutely love. "A couple has taken the time to select items that
they need, so it makes perfect sense the majority of the time to simply fall in
line with their wishes. With that being said, if you are close to the couple
and are 100% sure that your off-registry item fits the bill, then by all means,
do it," says Carlson.
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